


Vapors

by odetospn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressed Castiel, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Possibly Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 14:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5874034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetospn/pseuds/odetospn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is finding life harder and harder to care about after recent events. Sam and Dean are determined to change his outlook on things, no matter what. Will they be able to do so before he makes a mistake he might not be able to come back from?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vapors

The sharp sound of a cell phone ringing shocked Castiel out of what felt like an endless stupor. He’d had been glued to Sam’s television for what felt like eons as he struggled to heal from the after-effects of Rowena’s curse. Physically, he felt his limited strength slowly returning. For some reason though, exhaustion still clung to his mind and body like a heavy fog.

Castiel was finding it more and more difficult to convince himself to leave his bed anymore. Every time he did, creeping feelings of anxiety slowly began to leak in through the cracks in his mind. Cracks that had been created by repeated blows to him mentally any physically. 

Since he was an angel (if one could even consider him such anymore) he didn’t need to eat or drink water. The only thing that forced him out of bed anymore was the need to shower, and even that was becoming a tasking chore.

Blinking a couple times to clear the blurry film that had settled over his vision he fumbled around the bed. It only took him a moment to find his phone buried underneath his nest of blankets that had gathered up since he’d arrived. Castiel pressed the “Accept” button and held it up to his ear. 

“Hello?” He said roughly.

“Hey Cas. How’s it going?” Dean’s voice answered on the other end. 

Castiel looked around Sam’s room tiredly, not quite sure how to answer him honestly.

“It’s going.” He finally replied. Vague answers about one’s emotional wellbeing are a specialty among Winchesters. After all the time he’d spent it them, it only made sense that the habit would catch on to him as well.

Dean was silent for a moment before responding. “That great huh? Are the side effects from Rowena’s spell still giving you trouble?”

He took a moment to consider Dean’s question. The nausea, vertigo, cramps, and other unpleasant side effects of her spell had been fairly regular for a while. They hadn’t given him any issues recently though, so Castiel assumed that the physical consequences of her spell had mostly dissipated.

“I haven’t experience very much physical discomfort lately.” Castiel answered honestly.

 “Glad to hear.” Dean said, although there was a note of uncertainty in his voice. “Anyway, Sam and I will be our way back to the bunker after this hunt in a couple days. We should be back sometime Friday night.”

“Okay. Call me if you need any research done for your case.”

“Will do. Try and focus on resting a little more though Cas. You’re still sounding a little rough around the edges.” Dean said earnestly.

Castiel felt far rougher than he was letting on, but he appreciated Dean’s concern for his wellbeing. He allowed himself a small, exhausted smile. 

“I will Dean. Thank you for calling.”

“No problem dude. I’ll talk to you later.” Dean answered before hanging up.

Castiel set his phone down on the bedside table and winced when his eyes passed over the obnoxiously bright lamp. He tugged on the chain and sighed softly in relief when the room was plunged into darkness. The TV in front of him was the only source of light as he burrowed himself back down under the covers and allowed his eyes to rest back onto the television.

The sound of bottled laughter floated from the television. He wasn’t even sure what he was watching anymore, but the ambient sounds and colors of TV shows were soothing. They helped to chase away memories of past and current failures that plagued Castiel every way he turned.

He felt his eyes slowly start to glaze over again, and the muddling fog from before Dean’s phone call began to settle thickly in his mind and limbs again.

* * *

 “Cas? Hey! Earth to Cas!” Dean’s worried voice shouted from beside him.

Castiel jumped, startled by the sudden burst of noise. He looked up at Sam and Dean’s worried expressions with hazy confusion.

“Dean? What are you doing here? I thought you said that you both wouldn’t be back for almost a week?” He asked, a crackly voice rumbling out of his throat from lack of use. He rubbed his throat and winced a bit.

“Dude, we talked almost five days ago! Have you been laying here that entire time?” Dean asked in disbelief as he took in the sight of Castiel’s blanket nest.

Sam grimaced to himself. “I think the smell in here answers that question for you Dean.”

Embarrassment and shame colored Castiel’s cheeks, and he looked down at his hands awkwardly. “I-I hadn’t realized I’d been here that long. Time just-“ _Stopped mattering_ he left unsaid. "-got away from me." He finished quietly.

“Look, we’ve all had our TV binges Cas, but this just isn’t healthy dude. C’mon, up and at ‘em.” Dean ordered, holding his hand out to help Castiel up.

The angel stared at his offered hand for a moment before slowly taking it and allowing the man to pull him to his feet. Days of no use immediately took their toll and he felt his knees buckle under him. Sam and Dean rushed to catch him, hoisting him back up onto his unsteady feet. After a moment of adjustment, he nodded at them that he was fine to be let go. 

“Is there something you want to tell us Cas?” Sam asked carefully, looking him up and down with clear signs of worry.

“I don’t know what there would be to tell Sam. I’ve been healing from Rowena’s spell at a fairly regular rate ever since it was lifted.” Castiel answered, furrowing his brow when the two brothers exchanged a look. 

“How have you been feeling lately Cas?” Dean asked hesitantly.

“I just told you-“ Castiel began.

 “No, we don’t mean _physically.“_ Dean stressed, clearing his throat loudly and looking around the room awkwardly. He motioned rapidly at Sam to continue. The younger brother rolled his eyes at Dean but went on.

 “How have you been feeling recently besides that.” Sam finished, looking at him kindly.

 Castiel blinked, shaking his head. “I don’t understand your question.”

Dean sighed in frustration and stepped forward. “Look, how have you been feeling mentally dude.” He asked directly, looking him directly in the eyes.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple times in surprise. It was a solid minuet before he could manage a response. “Uhm, extremely tired I suppose.” He answered warily, feeling himself growing more uncomfortable under their stares. Another exchange of worried looks made his anxiety grow stronger.

“It’s most likely just another symptom of Rowena’s spell that will ware off soon. Forgive me for causing all of this confusion and discomfort.” Castiel said quietly before pushing his way through the two brothers to leave the room. Dean caught his arm before he could leave and turned to look at him.

“Look Cas, you’ve been through a lot of heavy crap recently. If you ever want to, uh, talk about stuff, Sammy and I are here to listen.” Dean gave him a hopeful look.

Castiel looked between the two men for moment before shaking his head. “I appreciate the offer Dean, but I am fine. Thank you for your concern.” He gently tugged his arm out of Dean’s grasp and left the room without another word.

He pretended not to hear the quiet whispers between Sam and Dean as he walked away. Castiel was, for the first time in almost two weeks, ready to take a long, scalding hot shower. It had been a while, but maybe if he scrubbed hard enough it would help clean off all of the filth that had built up on him.

 

**_tbc…_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to explore Castiel's growing depression and anxiety a lot recently and after recent plot developments the urge has officially blossomed into a full blown fic. I'll be updating sometime in the next week or two. Thanks for reading!


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